Therapy S2E01: One More Chance

Recap

Issa started last season at a crossroads and ended it at the end of the road in terms of her romantic relationship. Things with her job started to improve as she took on more responsibilities, her friendships got a little shaky, but survived. 

How much time is needed to heal wounds?

When we enter the second season we learn that it has been months since Issa and Lawrence broke up. She starts dating again, but continues to compare everyone to Lawrence and even has a daydream during one date in which Lawrence shares his understanding of her actions and desire to work on things.

This might sound familiar in romantic relationships, however it can also be applied to other situations. Maybe you made the decision to leave a job without knowing your next step. You had your reasons for leaving but the challenges you have been facing since have made you reconsider your decision. Maybe you decided to confront a parent or  family member about how they treat you and it ended the relationship. You miss them and have been struggling to adjust to their absence because of the role they played and consider reaching out to apologize. In all situations there is the urge to fix things, even if that means you willingly re-enter an unhealthy situation.

Beliefs formed or illuminated through hurt

One aspect that I find interesting in situations like these is the way we adopt negative or false beliefs about ourselves in order to force things to make sense and perpetuate feelings of guilt. Clinically speaking, false beliefs are subconscious self-limiting thoughts that we come to believe as true. Therapy is a great space to explore false beliefs, which are often generalized to someone being a “bad” person versus a person making “bad” decisions. 

Issa has labeled herself a cheater and goes so far as to say that she should not be trusted because she will probably do it again. Is that a false belief? If someone does something (within reason) one time do they automatically become that thing? If you lie once, are you a liar who cannot be trusted? If you hit someone one time are you automatically a physically abusive person? In therapy you have the opportunity to explore possible patterns that either point to actual personality traits and/or what led to the decision to do a thing, which in Issa’s case is cheating. Luckily for the audience, we know what happened, so what do you think?

Friendly Advice

Issa confides in her best friend, as most of us do when things are going wrong (and hopefully when they are going right too). Molly, as most friends do, offers supportive advice which drives Issa to plan a party in hopes that Lawrence will attend. Engaging in honest communication was one of the more effective routes discussed relating to Issa’s choices in the first season. Here we see that, rather than take space for herself and respect the space that Lawrence has taken for himself, Issa makes the decision to force an encounter that ends up not happening. The let down puts Issa in the position to be honest with herself about wanting Lawrence back, something she initially said she did not want. She is also put in the position to be honest with Molly because she is not okay.

Is it possible to process how you feel while still holding on to hope? I can honestly say that it can prove to be the more difficult route. As you consider what happened and everything that led up to it you will also begin authoring a fantasy of the outcome you desire, which we saw in Issa’s daydream. If you are able to let go of what you want for what is, or will happen, you have more options to take toward healing.

One more chance? 

At the end of season two, episode one Lawrence comes by to get his mail. Emotions are high and confusion is abundant, so what happens after he walks into the apartment is predictable. 

If you saw that family member at a function and they spoke to you like things were alright between you two or if a representative contacted you from the job you left asking you to return, possibly with a raise. What kind of sign would that be? 

While processing similar experiences in therapy, interventions such as socratic questioning (originally an Egyptian-centered scientific inquiry) and motivational interviewing can be used to support the processing of “signs” and decisions.