A Trauma-Informed Couple-Centered Approach to Sex Therapy

At Therapy Brooklyn, we approach sex therapy through a trauma-informed, relational lens. That means we understand how trauma,especially sexual or interpersonal trauma affects not just the individual, but the emotional and physical dynamic between partners.

Here are some foundational principles we work from:

1. Safety Comes Before Intimacy

Rebuilding a sexual connection starts with creating a sense of safety and consent in the relationship, not just in the bedroom. That might mean slowing things down, checking in often, or exploring boundaries together. There’s no “right” timeline for healing and no expectation to rush into physical touch.

Safety is not the absence of threat, but the presence of connection.
— Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory (Porges, 2011)

2. Trauma Responses Are Not Rejections

It can be hard when one partner pulls away from intimacy but this withdrawal is often a trauma response, not a sign of disinterest or disconnection. Trauma can activate the body’s protective systems (freeze, flight, fight), even in moments of closeness.

In therapy, we help both partners understand what’s happening neurologically and emotionally, so that moments of disconnection aren’t misinterpreted as rejection.

3. Curiosity Over Pressure

We invite couples to reframe sex not as a goal, but as a process of exploration and connection. This could include touch that has no sexual agenda, “yes/no/maybe” lists to explore desires and boundaries, or body-based grounding techniques to stay present.

When couples stay curious about their own responses and their partner’s it becomes easier to co-create intimacy at a pace that feels good for both people.

4. Pleasure Is Still Possible

Pleasure doesn’t have to mean intercourse, and it doesn’t have to be immediate. For survivors of trauma, reclaiming pleasure can be a slow but powerful process.

Sometimes that starts with small moments: noticing sensation during a bath, enjoying cuddling without pressure, or even naming desires out loud. Over time, intimacy can become a space for healing, not something to fear.

5. You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

Sex therapy offers a space to unpack trauma’s impact and build new relational tools. We help couples:

• Understand the nervous system and trauma responses

• Repair communication around sex and needs

• Explore non-threatening touch and intimacy

• Build trust through attunement and emotional presence

• Learn to hold space for vulnerability
  

  If you're reading this and feeling like things are stuck, you're not broken and neither is your relationship. You may just need new ways of understanding what’s happening and support in finding your way forward.

Sex Therapy at Therapy Brooklyn

At Therapy Brooklyn, we offer inclusive, affirming, and trauma-informed sex therapy for individuals and couples. We work with clients of all identities, genders, and relationship styles, including LGBTQIA+, BIPOC, and non-monogamous partnerships.

Our approach is grounded in intersectionality, nervous system awareness, and deep respect for the complexities of healing and intimacy.

Ready to take the next step—together?
Let’s explore what’s possible when safety, pleasure, and connection are prioritized.
Book a free consultation

References:

• Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.

• Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.

• Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.

• Brotto, L. A. (2018). Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire. Greystone Books.

• Maltz, W. (2012). The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse (3rd ed.). HarperCollins.